We Didn't Come to Hell for the Croissants: Seven Deadly Stories for Consenting Adults
"A completely unique and mindblowing experience" - Cue Online
Jemma is a theatre maker based in Johannesburg, South Africa. With a background in both fine art and theatre, Jemma concentrates on highly visual theatre, with particular interest in illustration and costume. She is best known for her one-woman kamishibai show ‘The Epicene Butcher’, which launched in Johannesburg in 2012 before traveling the globe. In 2014 Jemma was an artist in residnce at the Dutch Afrovibes festival. In 2015 she was one of the particpating artists at the Johannesburg Pavillion, Venice Biennale. Her performance credits include the lead in Jane Taylor’s ‘After Cardenio’, commissioned by Harvard scholar Stephen Greenblatt and hosted by GIPCA, her acclaimed kamishibai production ‘The Epicene Butcher’ and it’s sequel ‘We Didn’t Come to Hell for the Croissants’ directed by Lindiwe Matshikiza and ‘Amateur Hour!’ directed by John Trengove which was awarded second place for Best Theatre production at Fringe World 2014.
Roberto Pombo completed a four year Bachelor of Arts Degree in Dramatic Arts at the University of Witwatersrand in 2007. He has since furthered his studies graduating from the renowned Helikos International School of performance in Italy. In addition to creating and devising much of his own theatre work, he has featured in a number of commercials, and is currently working full time as a performer on a new motion capture animation series, “Silly Seasons”.
Highly acclaimed actress and director, Lindiwe Matshikiza, graduated from Rhodes University with an Honours Degree in Drama. As an actress, she has recently been seen on screen in the award winning South African Film, “Four Corners”, and on stage in the French co production- ‘SterCity’- which has toured the African continent in 2014. Her most recent directing credit, The Donkey Child, is a multimedia community theatre piece, which won major critical and audience acclaim.
Writer, Louis Viljoen is a writer and director based in Cape Town. He has written several successful shows including ‘The Frontiersmen’ (2013) and ‘The Kingmakers’ (2014). In 2012 Viljoen’s play ‘Champ’ was awarded the Fleur Du Cap for Best New South African script. ‘Champ’ was performed as part of The South African Season at Edinburgh Fringe in 2013. His newest work, ‘The Pervert Laura’ was awarded two Fleur Du Caps awards, both for Emily Child's performance as lead actress and Louis Viljoen for Best new director.
Writer Tertius Kapp currently lectures in the Department of Afrikaans at Fort Hare University. Previously he lectured in the Department of Dutch and South African Studies at Adam Mickiecz University, Poznan, Poland. Kapp has won several awards for his play ‘Rooiland’ (Fluer Du Cap, Smeltkroes Prize, Fiesta awards) and ‘Oorsee’ (Smeltkroes Prize and Fiesta nominee), both published by Tafelberg.
Rosa Lyster is a writer and PhD student living in Cape Town. Her Phd focuses on reading and censorship in Apartheid South Africa. Lyster’s essays and poetry have been published in various literary journals including Aerodrome, The Toast and Prufrock.
Nicholas Spagnoletti is a South African playwright and theatre producer. Author of the multiple award winning play London Road, he has more recently penned the highly successful Civil Parting.
Lebogang Mogashoa was born in 1985 in Johannesburg. He grew up in a small village, then a bigger one, followed by an all-boys Catholic boarding school and finally a big move to Cape Town where he completed a Film and Media undergrad degree. He then headed to Korea to teach English where he started his story telling series “When we were nearly Young”, which developed a cult following. He returned to Johannesburg in 2013, and has been presenting the same story telling series at POPArt, where guests such as Yvonne Chaka Chaka have featured.
Media & Reviews
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Audience Responses
it was fantastic!
It was wonderful, a very refreshing real performance. I enjoyed it from the beginning to the end. Thank you
Wickedly funny, perfectly delivered.
A delight. The intimacy of the venue and the audience engagement added to well written and well presented works.
Very funny, very original.
Hilarious!
Absolutely fantastic show!
Incredible performance! Thank you to the actors!
Myself, my sister and a friend who came with me all thoroughly enjoyed the show! The theatre is so beautiful and so intimate. The concept of the show, the stories, the writing, the illustrations....all so very well done. I loved Jemma and her storytelling - captivating! And Roberto added an interesting dynamic. Fabulous time had by all - well done to the team behind the scenes!
Fantastic show! I had an amazing time. Jemma and Roberto are both immensely talented, the writing was excellent (insightful and funny), and the space was a perfect fit for the show (great lighting and direction).
want to read the stories again and would also like to know what music they used
I enjoyed the show from a creative perspective: the way the narratives were written; the illustrations, and the acting. However, I walked out of the show feeling awful. As a survivor of sexual violence the content of the show was deeply triggering for me on many levels. Please, please, please, next time you have a show with any kind of content that could be triggering to survivors of abuse/sexual violence/rape put trigger warnings. I feel like we're at a point in time where we all need to look out for each others' emotional safety and well-being and this is an easy way to do it. Thanks.
was AMAAAAAZZZIIINNGGGG:),,,,,, both performers were brilliant and the stories were intoxicating.
Excellent show
Outrageously witty, wonderfully depraved, sexy, funny and dark as a coal mine at midnight
Fabulous!
Great combination of the right space and vibrant theatre. Having experienced "The Epicene Butcher" by the same breathtaking duo, this felt more "entertaining" and even common and tawdry towards the end, rather than theatre for the thinking person - but this is small criticism compared to the thrill of seeing something unique that is thankfully not possible on any screen, but has to be experienced live. Thank you!!! I'll be back. Bless you all.
Almost did myself an injury laughing on Saturday night! Thank you!
Absolutley brilliant!!!! And very highly recommended to anyone with a sense of humour.
Brilliant!
Enjoyed it a lot.
Bloody brilliant!
Loved it!
Throughly enjoyable ! Awesome stories told really well!
Hilarious, sexy, scary and just damn fabulous!
Outstanding! I have not laughed like that in a long time. Thank you for a brilliant performance. Can't wait for the next show.
both rough and entertaining at the same time.
This was my second time. I love it. V inventive. Gr8 duo performance.witty. funny and poignant . Also some parts quite thought provoking.
brilliant !! it got me laid!!!!
Brilliant!
Loved it! Thought it was even better than the Epicene Butcher.
What a delightful experience it was for us at the Alexander Bar last night. Not only was the welcome and service friendly but the food was fresh and deliciously tasty! Compliments to the chef on the Aubergine dish - yummy! Jemma Kahn was brilliant! Her gift for story-telling is riveting and her 'side-kick' and the display 'cards' were an interesting diversion that also helped to hold one's attention throughout the show. Jemma's rendition of the different accents was really good. We so enjoyed the show and also loved the ambience of the whole theatre/restaurant. I also liked how easy it was to book online and appreciated the reminder. Well done and congratulations on a wonderful concept. We wish you every success on this slick and well-run establishment and - we will be back... All the best. Diana Dunbar xx
absolutely superb!
Without going overboard, I think that the production was the finest, funniest and captivating pieces of entertainment we had seen in a long while. A very clever concept and well delivered. The interplay between the two performers added both a charm and wit to the whole endeavor. Methinks this encapsulates the raison détre of the Alexander Bar. Well done and a very merry Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year!! Stephen Jeffries
Not as good (original, interesting) the Epicene Butcher, but perhaps more enjoyable.
Fabulous, as always. Jemma and Roberto are amazing actors and performers. I'd see this again and again and again Bravo on total SOLD OUT!
This was the second time we've seen the show, first time was about a year ago, and it was just as good this time. Two exceptional performances and seven great stories. Thank you!
Better than ever.. Crisp, funny, smart, sexy, sad
Highly enjoyable show!
I really enjoy the pacing and energy of Jemma's kamishibai. :)
Jemma is just sensational!
FANTASTIC!
Very clever. I liked the way the stories were all different and yet connected. My first time at your theatre - will definitely be back !
Great show, wonderful intimate setting. One minor thing in an otherwise brilliant setup: that aircon blasting from behind gave us the shivers and was distracting. Maybe needs a different position
I have told all my friends and the tickets are sold out! I think a second week is in order!
Deep, thrilling, hilarious. Best theatre I have seen in AGES.
Loved it! Witty, well-written and produced. Please bring it back for another run.
Brilliant!
Laughed till my throat hurt.
perhaps not the theatre to take Granny to, but hilariously funny with a touch of Louis Viljoen darkness.
Brilliant.
Excellent!
Loved it thanks.
world class.
Brilliant, and very talented.
It was excellent! Really enjoyed it!
It was really tough to stand up to the roaring success that was "the Epicene Butcher". Yet we found ourselves referencing and quoting these new tales just as much. The effects lingered long after we were done. Going to hell - and maybe getting some Croissants.
Loved it!
The actors were excellent....Jemma's voice is captivating and Roberto's authenticity in all scenes was amazing to watch. The stories were hilarious too.
Characteristically quirky as we expect from the Alexander Bar, with the usual high-quality delivery - a superb evening's entertainment, exactly the right length, too. Great service from downstairs too. Thanks.
A real gem. Hilarious. Gripping. Innovative and brilliantly delivered.
Loved it! Incredible writing - witty, imaginative - best show all year!
Super actiing and excellent idea to tell the story with well designed slides. Thank you. Your stage is my favorite stage in Cape town.
I just really did not find the stories interesting , the artwork however was fantastic
Sublimely satisfying ,deliciously decadent and just bloody brilliant actually
JK's best performance yet, brilliant in every respect!
Any chance The Epicene Butcher could return for another run? Pretty please?
The final Spaghetti sketch was unnecessarily crude - and pointless. Otherwise, interesting alternative theatre. Nice intimate venue (our first time!).
Hey guys! I've seen the show before and it was absolutely amazing. I loved it so much that I bought tickets for a friend as a birthday present. I was quite disappointed to hear that the show had been over booked and they had to sit on the side. This is the first time that it has happened to me at Alexander Bar and I totally understand how these things can go wrong. I'm hoping this is a once off occurrence as I love buying theatre tickets as presents. The friends loved the show and used the refunded money to buy some dinner so the experience as a whole was still really enjoyable.
Loved it!
Bloody marvelous !
Great.
Jemma is always a GREAT treat for the senses.
We thought it was great. A very unique experience.
Holy shit you guys. Even better the second time round.
Great venue Great show
I loved it - the whole evening was, as always, most enjoyable. Seats a bit uncomfy though.
Another fantastic performance by Jemma, quirky dark hilarious ingenious...!
LOVE IT
Novel concept and clever stories. Some of the live acting felt a bit forced but it was still possible to connect with the actors by the end of the show.
Five starts for brilliant acting and production. Formidable talent and performances. Content less so. There were some brilliant and witty minutes and segments but overall it felt too long and self indulgent. Uneven storytelling with the lowest point (for me) the last segment. Editing needed in some cases? I felt increasingly trapped by the (John Waters?) type of aesthetic (gore and sex) of the show. Its been a horrid year so perhaps I'm a little sad and soft. My fellow audience members seemed to love it.
Absolutely wonderful!
This is the best piece of theatre I can remember seeing - and I see a fair bit. Both the stories and their delivery pushed me right out of my comfort zone more times than I can count, and made me question why I felt the way the way I did, what exactly had made me laugh, and why. You never knew what to expect or how you'd feel next, and were left with so much food for thought. What more could you ask for from theatre?
It was astounding, beautiful, sad, sexy, entertaining and funny. Jemma is a genius and Roberto is perfect for the play. We loved every moment of her mad storytelling ways. Ilene
The best show I've seen in a very long time! Brilliantly executed.
Had such a fantastic lag! Great job guys!!!
I just really did not find the stories interesting , the artwork however was fantastic
Is it possible to call this 'accessible' without it sounding like a bad thing? Flippen wonderful performers, interesting stories, and very, very funny. My only regret is that it wasn't longer.
Great stories, amazing acting, really impressive and smart and funny
Simply superb.
IT WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so very much for a fantastic show. Please, please, please run it again, I want to send ALL my friends.
Really enjoyed the show!!!
Great show, wonderful intimate setting. One minor thing in an otherwise brilliant setup: that aircon blasting from behind gave us the shivers and was distracting. Maybe needs a different position
Excellent.
It was my first visit to the Alexander Bar and not my last! Friendly staff, nice theatre space. Excellent show.
Where were the croissants? :) Fantastic show. Brilliantly performed by both actors!
What a treat.
Had forgotten the detail (even quadruple tassle-twirling!) so it was great to see this again. An outrageous mix of sex, violence and camp fun. Banzai kamishibai!
Fucking amazing!!!
Thanks for the performers - it was superb. And thanks to the Alexander Bar for keeping theatre alive with style.
Unique and engaging storytelling. A great theatrical experience.
Just brilliant!!
So often experimental theatre leaves you scratching your head and wondering what on earth just happened. Not the case with this play. I left feeling thoroughly entertained. There were stories that that nearly had my wife and I on the floor laughing; there were stories that shocked and stories that made us weep. Realy worth it. We'll definitely be back to see it again.
Amazing!!!
The performances were of the highest standard with a perfect balance between suspense and comedy- an excellent production.
I absolutely loved the play... The only thing that frustrated us is when we bought the tickets, there was no pop up saying there would be pub quizz as well so tables for meals would be limited... I understand its is listed in your website but you not looking at pubquizz dates when booking your show...We planned to spend the whole evening there but instead were forced to find dinner elsewhere.
Brilliant show: the actors were fantastic. Would highly recommend
funny, insightful, excellent presentation by both cast members :o) — loved it! and your intimate friendly venue . . . guess we'll be back
Wonderful!
I'd just like you to know that I don't dish out stars willy nilly. Especially not 5 of them. But Jemma and that outrageous other person were excellent and I'd actually like to give them 6 stars. Thats 2 more than was being spun around at the end of the show. Anyway, well done all round.
Still a fantastic show, still awesome on repeated viewings - even with only six of us in the audience, we had a blast!
Absolutely outstanding! Brilliant all round performance with amazing illustrations...! Really enjoyed the evening have been raving about it to all! Thank you...see you soon
Wickedly funny; very, very clever; and skilled, energetic performances. This is the perfect antidote to a saccharine festive season! My first experience of kamishibai and I loved it. Please bring back The Epicene Butcher.
next instalment please
Loved the show Chairs were packed too closely together in the venue. I was literally sandwiched, shoulders touching, people either side of me.
After 3 years of near misses, I finally managed to catch one of their shows and I was NOT disappointed. ❤️ Smart, sexy, highly recommended.
Marvelous and delightful. I hope the acting duo bring out something new soon!
Great show, wonderful intimate setting. One minor thing in an otherwise brilliant setup: that aircon blasting from behind gave us the shivers and was distracting. Maybe needs a different position
Dark and naughty. Loved it!
Absolutely incredible! It's easy to forget that SA has world-class performers, but last night proved that South Africa is a forced to be reckoned with! What a show!
Really did not enjoy it. We were recommended to it, by a friend, however. Sorry - perhaps i was too old for this one?!? The audience seemed to enjoy it as much as we did not - note-ably they had no grey hair. Clearly i had too many to enjoy this production the way they did!
Loved loved loved it! Well done to the writers, the illustrators and the PERFORMERS!
such fun!
Great show, wonderful intimate setting. One minor thing in an otherwise brilliant setup: that aircon blasting from behind gave us the shivers and was distracting. Maybe needs a different position
Stellar. Gorgeous texts, animated performance by an extremely talented cast in my favourite intimate venue. Made for a highly memorable date.
Loved it all !!!! ... definitely something different and not for the faint of heart but such a great performance
Great show, wonderful intimate setting. One minor thing in an otherwise brilliant setup: that aircon blasting from behind gave us the shivers and was distracting. Maybe needs a different position
What a fabulous way to spend an evening! This hilarious and poignant narration of several stories had us all in stitches! Completely slick production and can understand why it sold out again so fast. Would watch again!
I loved the show! One of the best I've seen. I'd love to see more more more!
Fucking fantastic!
Loved it. The acting quality was high, the story very compelling and the storytelling highly original. Was super! Thank you!